As soon as I notice feeling unmoored, I try to pull myself back into my body, like returning home. Sometimes I start to lose myself in their story. I try to understand what matters to them, not what I think matters. The most critical part of listening is asking what is at stake for the other person.
I just need to feel safe enough to stay curious. But I also know that it's okay if I don't feel very much for them at all. Empathy is cognitive and emotional-to inhabit another person's view of the world is to feel the world with them. I am always partially listening to the thoughts in my own head when others are speaking, so I consciously quiet my thoughts and begin to listen with my senses. When I really want to hear another person's story, I try to leave my preconceptions at the door and draw close to their telling.
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